Bacon

At each of Mom's memorials, the family and friends in attendance were asked to share some memories of a special time or relationship they had with her. There were some great stories that really conveyed her sense of humor, wisdom, and devotion to her friends.

I, too, thought about what I would share of her. As it was, though, I always thought it was best to keep to myself as the rest of the service was largely a family affair -- particularly with Dad at the helm. Whenever I got ready to speak it was actually the voice of Mom that kept me quiet. Many was the Sunday afternoon meal that dwelled on the church service that "went too long" for her taste.

Better to know your audience and let them get on with the day, particularly when there is food waiting.

The story I thought I might share has to do with a pediatrician (I'm glad) I never met. He was Daniel's doctor after he was born in South Dakota. From what I've heard of his practice, it is safe to assume, given all the medical advice we've received since, that all of the pediatric were rewritten after he went to school. I like to imagine him moving his practice to Australia after my parents left for Cedar Rapids. In my mind, he is the doctor who recommended to the mother she let her baby play with the dingoes because "It will give the child some verve and a strong constitution!"

We first heard Mom's favorite advice from this pediatrician when Amy was pregnant with Owen. After we heard it, there was even a time when we could bait Mom into telling the story again, often two to three times a day. Each time she told it, it was just as magical. The advice rang as true to her as it did the first time.

Indeed, it said a lot about Mom.

So, the story goes like this. Mom was visiting the doctor with Baby Daniel in tow. The doctor was giving her some advice about what to do for Daniel's diet ... something to go along with his earlier recommendation Daniel eat cereal in his eighth or ninth day of life (this is true). Talking about baby food, the doctor said:

"Try him out on the bacon flavor."

"Bacon," my mom said. "But bacon has no nutrition."

"Yes," said the doctor. "But it is full of flavor."

Even though we were all convinced Mom was making the whole bacon flavored baby food thing up, it was clear immediately Mom loved telling this story. To get the full effect, though, you really had to see the way her eyes got all dreamy when she was telling this story and she got to the final line. To her it was a life lesson. "Full of flavor." She'd smack her lips at it every time the words left her mouth, as if the very mention of the word bacon came with its own smokey, hickory aftertaste.

Mom's final memorial weekend is now done. We traveled to Cedar Rapids and Orange City over the past week, meeting with family and friends in both places. We shared stories, friendship, and love. We also ate a whole bunch of pizza. We carried her ashes with us in a rented RV, one Chevy Chase shy of a National Lampoon film. Mom would have liked that.

It was a bit of a homecoming for all of us. On this weekend we interred Mom in the same cemetery where her parents, her grandparents and great grandparents (and the same on my dad's side) all lie at rest. Dad got back to Orange City and was able to show all of his grandchildren the houses where he lived as a child. Daniel and I also returned to Cedar Rapids, which neither of us have seen in at least 8 years.

It was quite an adventure.

DAY ONE


We met up with Owen and Maya's grandpa in Iowa City on Thursday night. After dinner and Whitey's we headed north to Cedar Rapids. Bright and early the next morning, we were in our rented RV, a six hour journey to the northwest corner of the state, but unencumbered by seat belts, and free to explore.

Owen got right into the spirit. Maya hung close with Mom at first, but soon was up and down on the landing with Owen, where the view was good.

The trip went very quickly.



We stopped for lunch in Ft. Dodge, and made one other sightseeing detour in Pocahontas (below). The giant Indian welcoming you to town has long been a landmark on my family vacations to NW Iowa. Maya, a huge Disney princess fan, I think thought the giant Pocahontas was interesting in theory, but found her disappointing in reality ... kind of like the film.


Stay close to Grandpa, Maya. Everything will be OK.


In Orange City we had our first informal memorial gathering with pizza supper. The crowd in Orange City comprised family from the both the Aalberts and Reinsma sides, as well as friends from my parents' time in college, and a group of extended friends from all of the stations of their lives, who now live nearby.

It was great to catch up with people we haven't seen in years.



DAY TWO
The next morning we gathered at West Lawn Cemetery in Orange City to inter Mom's ashes.

My aunt and uncle, Alma and Tom, from Sioux City were back with their son Steve and his family. It was terrific to meet his girls, who were either a) a toddler, b) an infant, or c) just a dream the last time we were together. Lorie and Jason drove in from Chicago. And, of course, we were there with the RV.


We started the day by taking a tour of the cemetery, showing all the people who weren't there last summer the extensive collection of family headstones.

The time then came to place Nana in her spot. We gathered around her and remembered her quietly. We sang "God Be With You Till We Meet Again," like we did at her funeral, and Owen, like with his Great Aunt Shila the year before, placed Nana's ashes in the ground.


Returning the plank of wood the caretaker had placed over the hole, we filled all the little notches with flowers we found in the grass.

Nana felt great love and admiration for her family, and it was wonderful to have so many people there. As is tradition with Reinsma family funerals, the whole gang then headed over to the Dutch Bakery for treats. The kids then played on the nearby playground equipment, we packed, and gassed up the RV, and then we were off.


Our only other stop of the day was the McMartin family farm outside of Grundy Center, IA. The McMartins are old family friends, who we met when they attended the church where my dad preached in Cedar Rapids. Moving to the country some 30 years ago, their farm was a regular destination for us when we were kids.

Knowing that Owen has long fancied tractors, Dad called the McMartins to see if we could stop for a visit and give the kids a place to run for a while in the middle of our long day.
It was a perfect stop.

We were greeted first by a menagerie of farm cats. The kids were fascinated by the wild kitties, prouder, a little less affectionate, and much more curious to watch than the domesticated cat at Grampy and Grammie's house.

Soon DeeGene was out with us, and before you knew it Owen was up in a tractor, having the time of his life.
As they parked, his eyes lit on the combine parked in the next bay of the shed. The combine was not ready for a drive, but Owen got a tour of the machine. Asking him later, he confirmed this was the best part of the day.

We all enjoyed the sights and sounds of the farm. There were animals to visit, a tire swing for the kids, and some great fun playing with the McMartin's granddaughters Piper and Ava, and their dad, Chad.

And there was Jackson, a wonderful horse who the kids patted and fed an apple. Maya kept her distance, but Owen was not afraid to get in their and let the horse take a nibble at his shoes.


The McMartins graciously invited our gang of eight to stay for dinner, which was a homecooked piece of heave in the middle of our weekend of travel. The kids got out the toys after and played dress up after, burning up the last bit of energy before we took on the final 100 miles of travel into Cedar Rapids.


DAY THREE

Everyone slept great on Saturday night, which was good because Sunday was a big day. Our friends Jake and Laura drove down with their little girls Annabelle (age 6) and Gavia (six weeks) for the memorial. To us, this was a huge tribute to their love of us and my mom, who also thought the world of them.

Indeed, last weekend on the 4th, I found myself unexpectedly sad, not knowing why until I realized I was thinking about the last time I really saw my mom as herself. It was a few weeks before she really started showing the symptoms of her tumor. We had driven to their house, meeting Jake and Laura for a weekend together in the City. We all took the train downtown for lunch at Rick Bayless's Frontera Grill, explored Grant Park, made ice cream, and had a wonderful visit.

Looking back on the weekend this year, I wonder how I would have done things differently, and what questions or conversations I might have had with Mom if I'd known how dramatically things were going to change.

Gavia was a joy to be around. We all piled into the RV on Saturday morning and headed for the park.
I hadn't been to Ellis Park in years, but watching Owen play around the creek brought back many memories of my own play across those same waters as a boy. Watching him explore, I could remember all the sensations of the water, and even a couple of conversations I had with friends as we played.

As a rain storm moved in, we loaded back in the camper for a tour of our old neighborhoods. Our first stop was our house on Gordon Avenue. The house was moved down the hill from where we lived nearly 30 years ago, but the tree that was in our front yard is still there.

When we were kids we spent equal time in both of the big trees around the house (the second, in the backyard, was felled when the house was moved). The front tree was reachable to climb with a short jump, something I think Uncle Daniel would be hard pressed to duplicate as it stands today. We then walked down the hill to the house, which, like our house on Roxbury Drive, which we visited next, looks very different than what I remember. The house used to sit atop a high wall with a planter out front, with a flight of five steps rising straight to the front door. It's still a beautiful house, though.

On Sunday night we gathered for another reception with all of the friends we'd made over 30 years in the Cedar Rapids community. We took the kids swimming in the afternoon. Owen showed off his new skills at swimming by himself, and added a new trick -- jumping in all by himself into the shallow end. They arrived at the reception exhausted (indeed, Maya managed to fall asleep on the four block drive from the hotel to the restaurant), but were wonderfully behaved nonetheless.

About 60 people attended the reception, including coworkers from Mom's IBM office, members of Dad's Cedar Rapids and Iowa City congregations, high school friends and their parents, and other friends and neighbors we'd met along the way.

Jeff and Melissa brought their three kids, including the now-two-year-old twins up from Iowa City. Having all of the little bodies around was a joy for Owen and Maya. They all played with stickers, entertained each other with games of chase (once people started leaving) and were open to being lifted and cuddled by all the old friends who remembered me and Uncle Daniel when we were the same age.

It should be noted our return to Cedar Rapids also provided the strangest moments of the trip.

• The RV got in a little fender bender when (at of all places) we scraped along a retaining wall at the dealership.



• Owen got some gluten in his system at the reception, leading to a sad, uncomfortable night back at the hotel.



• A huge thunderstorm hit Eastern Iowa on Sunday night, leaving the hotel without power for three hours on Monday morning.



• The same storm found its way into the still-open windows of the newly-damaged RV.
  


• And Daniel's family's return flight to Massachusetts was canceled and rebooked for Tuesday, due to the effect the same storm had on Chicago later in the morning.

All in all, it was a wonderful trip. Some of the things that happened along the way would have driven Nana a little crazy ... but there's no argument it was "full of flavor."